jenjen’s blog

so i know i haven't posted anything in awhile..... here's the short version of what's been happening: had a son in october, struggled thru the first few weeks as a solo parent, cried a whole lot, sat and watched my kid as the weeks went by, returned to work even though i really didnt want to, and now starting to feel alil better about being a parent.

my son is now 15 weeks old.  he is an amazing creature to watch.  how can something so small hold such power over me.  how is it possible to have so much love for this person?  the stress of being a solo parent is kicking my ass: the lack of sleep, the physical laboring of living on the 3rd floor without the help of an elevator carrying a diaper bag, car seat, groceries, the finances.....but you know what, i don't regret having my son.  he truly is the only thing right in my life. 

i've come to realize no matter how much fighting/disagreeing a family goes through....they will always be there for you.  i would not have made it the last 15 weeks without my mom and dad.  they may have been angry at me, disappointed in me for getting pregnant, but they were there for me on the day i delivered.  they were there for me, taking care of me as their child, so that i could take care of my child.  my hope is that one day i can be there and help my son like my parents were there for me. 

but for now, i wish my son would sleep from 11 pm to 5 am instead of 7 pm to 2 am :P  it would make my sleep alot better :)

he's finally here!!!!  lil ethan was born oct 20 at 1 pm.  after many months of anticipation, i have my son!!!!!

so this week i reach 37 weeks!  i had predicted my son would come into this world sometime during the 38th week.  i may be right.  about 2 days ago, i thought i had seen part of my mucus plug when i went to use the bathroom.  but since i wasnt sure, i just let it go.  tonight however, i lost a substantial piece of the plug and it was exactly how people have described it to me.  i understand this is just a sign that my cervix is preparing itself and that labor may or may not happen anytime soon.  this still means i'm reaching the end of this pregnancy journey :-)  and i'll be seeing my son very soon!  people keep asking me, "how are you feeling? "  well, to be honest: tired, anxious, nervous, hopeful, sleepy, in pain (from the backaches), feet are sore (from still working), did i say anxious and nervous!?!?!?!  i just need to clear some things in my room, finish painting my son's room (once the roommate moves out), finish washing the last of the clothes gifts i've been given, install the carseat in my car, and hopefully get a pedicure this week :)  i'm almost there!  yay!

only 4 more weeks to go!  i am currently in my 36th week and baby is starting to turn himself around.  so now i'm experiencing the occassional stablike poke at the bottom of my uterus, the increase pressure on my bladder, the increased hip pain, and the slight ease in breathing.  i'm also starting to get the headaches, nosebleeds, and runny nose apparently common in pregnancy.  i'm still able to walk properly, just alittle bit slower than normal.  i'm still working full shifts at work.  food consumption is still normal, just the quantity has decreased and the frequency has increased.  sitting in bed to play on the computer is getting difficult.  turning in bed from side to side is also getting difficult.  i have a feeling though, the lil man is not going to wait 4 more weeks.  i'm thinking more like in 2-2 1/2 wks he'll want to come out. so now i'm on the lookout for pre-labor symptoms -- loss of mucus plug, increased contractions, leaking of amniotic fluid.  of which, i havent started feeling contractions (braxton's yes, but not regular contractions).   i guess i'm ready for this -- but honestly, are women ever really ready for childbirth?  i'm nervous, excited, but not scared.  just a few more weeks till i meet my son :)

Yay!!!!  i received the baby's crib yesterday.  this afternoon we put it together....really easy and took less than an hour.  i've only got 6 more weeks to go!  i can't wait!!!!

and since i havent posted any pics lately....here's the latest two.

the top pic is me at my second baby party - 31 weeks.

the bottom is today's pic @ 34 weeks.

i've been feeling braxton hick contractions on occassion for the last week.  baby's mobility is getting limited due to his growing size.  its quite funny to see his foot push out from my side causing what appears to be an awkward lump :)  and things are developing very well.  as of the last checkup, my blood pressure was normal, fundal height normal, fetal heartrate normal, and total weight gain so far is 26 lbs.  leg cramps have lessened, however back aches are becoming more frequent.  overall tiredness has also increased but so has my insomnia.  my feet have swelled only a little bit but i still have my ankles :-)  the baby's father made a comment today, "from behind you cant tell your 8 mths pregnant!"  it is all up front!  i went to go see about a nursing bra since i havent check my size since i've been pregnant.  i went up a cup size, but still maintained the same inch size around!  i was amazed!  i thought for sure i was a little bit bigger around, but i'm not going to complain.  i've packed my hospital bag, except for my toiletries.  the only thing left is to install the carseat.  so if this baby decides he wants to make an early appearance, i think i'll be okay :-)

pregnancy update: 33 weeks along, still moving without wobbling, still have my ankles, still able to work a full day, crib is on order for delivery next week, had two baby parties, in possession of stroller and infant carseat, got clothes, diapers, wipes, bottles, nipples, pacifiers, zinc ointment, baby sheets.....i don't know what else i could need at this point in time. i've gotten to the point where i don't want to look at anymore baby stuff to buy.  i live in a small condo with no place to put all this stuff.  the more things i receive as gifts, the more cluttered it seems to get.  its giving me the heebie geebies!!!!  the tiredness of my first trimester is coming back.  the motivation to do anything is quickly flying out the window.  my back is starting to hurt....again.  i'm getting those lovely leg cramps.  i'm constantly thirsty, which leads me to constantly peeing.  and did i say i was tired!  its harder to breath since my diaphragm is now pushed up to under my boobs.  i feel like i'm constantly hungry since my stomach is also being compressed.  but i cant eat as much and if i do, i feel worse than before i ate.  i guess i shouldnt complain.....my pregnancy up to this point has been easy....i guess i'm just finally experiencing the rest of the "joys" of pregnancy.

and to make matters worse, i have to think about my lack of financial security.  for those of you who don't know, i am a soon-to-be single mom.  i currently have two roommates who rent out my other two rooms in my condo.  however, both have told me they are planning on moving out at the end of next month.  what am i going to do?  i love my job but, of course, they don't pay me enough to completely live off of.  i normally work two jobs to make ends meet, but since i'm pregnant i havent been able to do that.  i understand they can't really afford to pay me rent (one is moving back home to her parents, the other is moving in with his previous roommate who won't charge him as much rent) but i'm not just needing help financially -- i'm needing help emotionally and physically.  i'm needing someone to help me up three flights of stairs in my bldg.  i'm needing help when i need to get to the hospital to deliver.  i'm needing help so that i'll be able to take a shower once my kid is here.  i'm needing help in making sure i eat so that i can provide nutrients to my child because i plan on breastfeeding.  normally i'm not one to ask for help....but this is different.  the least they could have done was wait till the end of the year -- till after i had given birth and the baby was a few months old.  i asked the latter of the two if he could possibly wait till the end of the year to move out.....we'll work on a financial arrangement agreeable for both of us.....he said it may be possible.  the other one can move out -- she wasnt thrilled about the fact i had gotten pregnant and had decided to keep my child.  so i knew she wouldn't like living with me and a kid around.  i just don't know what to do right now.  my mind is so preoccupied that i honestly do not know where to place my mental concentration. 

i guess the sayings are true....things happen for a reason.  what doesnt kill me will make me stronger.  and for those who do believe in a God, God does not put you in situations you cannot handle.  i'm just going to go back to my whole, "i need to make it to the end of the day.  if i make it to the end of the day, i'll make it to the end of the week....and then to the end of the month....etc."

i really just needed to vent.....thanks :)

so i am fast approaching my 8 month of pregnancy....week 32 is a few days away.  and i realize i am extremely blessed to be surrounded by the people i chose as my friends and by those i work with.  i was lucky enough to have two baby parties.  because of some family discord, i hadnt spoken with my parents since march -- that is till last week.  mom and lil sis came up for the first baby party.  because mom and i havent spoken in so long, i did not know she had slowly begun to accept my pending single parenthood and was actually looking forward to her first grandson.  mom took care of me last week -- helping me get things in order, doing laundry, cooking food for me, spending time and sharing her experiences in pregnancy with me.  i didnt realize how much i really needed that.  so things with the family seem to be on the up and up.  but to backtrack alittle....because of the lack of communication between me and my parents, my friends and coworkers felt that they needed to help me with all the things i would need to prepare myself for my son.  i received so many gifts, gift cards and well wishes.....i just couldnt believe how lucky i was to be surround by such caring people.  they made sure i had my stroller, car seat, playpen, clothes, diapers, wipes, et al.  its a bit overwhelming to see everything.  i may be a solo parent to my son, but i'm not doing this alone -- and for that i will always be forever thankful. 

so i went today for my 28 week check up.  i had to do the glucose screening and the nurse told me i had to fast for 4 hours prior to the test - no food or drink, even though water is ok.  excuse me!  you're telling a pregnant woman who happens to cook for living not to eat or drink for 4 hours!!!  are you nuts!  so i asked to have the first appt of the day.  i got there, drank the overly sweet orange drink, and baby ethan was loving that sugar rush!  he started moving like it was going out of style.  overall, things are progresssing fabulously: i've gained 5 lbs in the last month (12 lbs in total), my blood pressure is within normal range, the baby's heartrate is going strong and also within normal range, and my glucose level was well below the concerned level (84).  the doctor also did another ultrasound.  and there was no doubts the baby was a boy!  i knew this before but when the dr was going through all the necessary areas....there was no mistaking the genitalia on the screen!  it was quite funny to see.  ethan's measurements were all normal, doppler blood flow was great, heart function was going well, amniotic fluid levels are good.  it was just amazing to see that little guy on the screen and think "he'll be out soon!"  however ethan didnt make it easy to see certain areas because he was still pretty active from the sugar drink; so the dr was like, "would you sit still for one moment so i can take my measurements :)"   i'm kind of wanting the next 12 weeks to hurry up, but i not really.  the closer the due date comes, the more anxious i am to see my son.  but i'm also getting more worried about the other aspects of my life.  i know i cannot control some of those things, but its all a matter of making it through to the end of the day, right!?!?!  overall i'm happy with how things are going...i mean heh, i can still see my feet, haven't developed "cankles" yet, haven't started to do the wobbling thing from the pulled ligaments, and i still look pretty damn good :)  all is going well!

Me @ 28 wks

i know its been forever since i've actually posted something, so here's an update.  i am currently at 24 1/2 weeks along and feeling great!  i was getting alittle worried because i hadn't been gaining alot of weight.  but last weeks checkup showed i gained plenty of weight during the last month!!  woohoo!!!  this puts me at the normal weight gain for 24 wks and probably the only time i will ever be happy to gain weight :)  now the goal is to just maintain a steady gain and not go overboard!  the lil boy is developing great!  he's been active and makes sure i get up at 4 am to go use the bathroom :)  haven't come up with a name yet.  i think i've decided on a first name but no luck on the middle. and as excited as i am,  i feel so ill prepared.....i haven't bought any of the things i need yet...crib, dresser,  stroller....but hopefully that will be accomplished by the end of july.  baby party plans are in the works -- can't wait!  now if only i weren't pregnant during the summer in florida!!!  this is not pregnant woman friendly weather: humid, hot, raining....not pleasant!!!  so aside from the abundant amount of walking i do for work, i have no desire to do any outdoor activities (as its raining outside as i type!).  so i will settle for putting my feet up and relaxing :)  thanks for letting me rant and rave!

Who would you call with your one phone call if arrested? (No lawyers!)

here's to hoping i never have to do this someday, but i would call my friend erica.  she won't lecture me, she won't blab to everyone my business....she'd just find a way to get me the hell out of there!  jail bitch i am not :P  well, that is if she isn't in jail with me :)